But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
