I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
