my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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