my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
