I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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