he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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