The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
