Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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