I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
