just tell him i said nine months
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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