and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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