is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yo dont text me then not text me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
