I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
