after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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