All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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