Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
