roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
