Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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