it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
