They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
