Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
