She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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