I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Randomize
