bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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