every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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