I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
