I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
