I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I checked into jail on foursquare
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
