Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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