I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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