Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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