Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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