My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
