you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
