Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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