So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
