yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
