Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
