the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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