Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
