i was born a porn star she said
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Congratulations! We have a period
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
