everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
