she woke up with a sticky ear
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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