I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So much rum. So many feels.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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