You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
