let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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