So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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