Moan for me like Helen Keller
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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