It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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