So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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