You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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