If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
