am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
