You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
