I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
