Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
