i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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