chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she looked like the before picture.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
