just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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