The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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