I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
