so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
