just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
