Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
