dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He shit in the fireplace
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
