your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
