I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
