He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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