shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
